A few years ago, we shared the following story about a common issue many couples face: money disagreements. It's still as relevant as ever. Money remains one of the top reasons for divorce in the U.S., and financial stress can wreak havoc on even the strongest relationships.
Argument Ammunition
It’s a typical Wednesday night, and my friend Ruby is hiding from her husband, Sam, in the bedroom. She’s furious. They just had a blowout argument after Sam came home with a brand-new home theater system—a purchase he made without consulting her. We're talking a 55-inch TV, speakers, subwoofer, the works, all charged to a credit card Ruby didn’t even know existed. To make matters worse, Sam won’t even tell her how much it cost. Instead, he insists that “it was a bargain” and “they can afford it.”
Ruby isn’t so sure. She can’t help but wonder what else is on that credit card or how many other things he’s bought without her knowledge.
This isn’t the first time something like this has happened in their 15 years of marriage. Sam has a history of making big purchases without telling Ruby first—a fancy grill, sports tickets, gaming consoles, even equipment to make his own beer (which, she pointed out, is still collecting dust in the basement).
As Ruby vents to me, she throws out the word "divorce" a few times, though I don’t think she really means it. Not yet, anyway. But I remind her gently that if they can’t figure out a way to talk openly about their finances, that might change.
At the Root of It - Financial Disagreements
Money is often at the heart of relationship tension. It's no surprise—finances are regularly cited as one of the top reasons for divorce in the U.S. But ignoring the issue or hoping it will go away only makes things worse. The key is to address it head-on and have open conversations about money with your partner.
For Ruby and Sam, money is their number one source of stress. They don’t argue about parenting, home life, or much else. It’s always about finances.
After they got married, they combined their checking and savings accounts, and Sam took over managing their finances. Their paychecks are direct-deposited, and they both contribute to company-matched retirement plans. Sam handles the bills and gives Ruby a budget for “non-essential spending.” Ruby has a rough idea of their monthly expenses, but she’s not involved in the day-to-day management of their finances.
On a good day, when there’s no surprise purchase to deal with, Ruby would probably say their system works fine. But in reality, it doesn’t.
The Real Problem
The underlying issue is Ruby’s anxiety about money. While she trusts Sam to take care of the bills, she was raised in a family that struggled financially. Her father worked hard to avoid slipping into poverty, and that worry stayed with her. Ruby is constantly thinking about what could go wrong: running out of money, losing the house, not being able to send their kids to college, or becoming a burden in retirement.
Sam, on the other hand, grew up comfortably. He’s never experienced financial hardship, so he doesn’t understand Ruby’s fears. He views their financial situation differently and believes they should enjoy the money they work so hard to earn. When Ruby questions a purchase, he feels like she doesn’t trust him, and that mistrust leads to arguments.
But Ruby’s mistrust isn’t about Sam—it’s about fate. She knows how quickly things can go wrong, and their lack of open communication only feeds her anxiety. They only talk about money when it’s already a problem, like after a surprise purchase. By then, it’s not a conversation—it’s a fight.
Time to Talk
What Ruby and Sam need is a real conversation about their finances. If they sat down and reviewed their financial situation together—their income, expenses, debts, and savings—they’d be able to plan for the future. Ruby might be more comfortable with the occasional big-ticket item if Sam talked to her about it first. And Sam might think twice about some purchases if he understood Ruby’s long-term priorities, like saving for retirement and building an emergency fund.
By working together, they could address the root cause of their arguments and eliminate the tension around money. Ruby would feel more secure, knowing exactly where they stand financially, and the constant worry would fade away.
Break the Taboo
Talking about money can feel awkward, but it’s essential for a healthy relationship. Avoiding the topic only turns finances into a “dirty little secret,” and we all know how secrets tend to blow up eventually.
Whether you’ve divided financial responsibilities or handed them over to one partner, it’s important to regularly discuss your finances together. Transparency is key. Honest conversations about your financial goals, fears, and priorities can prevent misunderstandings and help avoid money-related disagreements.
One way to facilitate these conversations is by working with a financial planner. A planner acts as a neutral third party who can help couples discuss their financial goals and create a roadmap for the future. With a clear plan in place, you’ll reduce the risk of financial arguments and feel more confident about your path toward retirement.
Talking about money may not be easy, but it’s worth it. After all, wouldn’t it be nice to focus on your future together, rather than on your next argument?